Well I have been moved into my apartment for nearly a month now, I can't believe it has almost been that long already. But I have to admit that I am not as happy as I thought I would be. Honestly, I love being out of my parents house. It is so SO nice to be out of there. But now I have the stress between my divorced parents about child support. I just want to be done with that so bad. It would be so nice to be out of the middle between finally after almost 20 years. And then there is my boyfriend. I love him. But I don't know if we are what you would call a "happy" relationship. I used think it was funny when friends would say we act like a married couple already. And not really the "forever in love" kind either. We are comfortable with each other and pick on each other but our relationship has really gone down. (And no, it's not because we live together now, it started before that). He used to be so sweet and affectionate and no when ever I say anything he is like "I'm only sweet like that in the beginning to get the girl" and it drives me crazy. Or he will say something like "being sweet all the time is too much work". To me, if you love someone, being sweet should just come natural. I don't expect it 24/7. But every once in a while for a little reassurance, it would be nice. I just feel it is sad when I am in a relationship and I still long for love. And listening to love songs depresses me so much because I want that. I have always wanted that. I don't plan on just leaving him. I really do love him and we have come so far and I guess i have hope that it'll get better. Maybe if I lose some weight and become more attractive (he teases me about my fat and no longer calls me beautiful, he usually only says im pretty after making a remark and then saying that after I say "what". I miss the "good morning beautiful" texts and the compliments. I miss the little sign of a hint of desire towards me. I know I am not the prettiest thing out there but it would be nice to feel wanted. I know he loves me but I just wish he was still IN love with me. And I know he is not. Sigh. I'm done ranting now though. I'd rather not rant on facebook so deviantart it was! Not like I tell anyone else. But yeah, I'm done. Sorry! Had to let it out.
Listening to: He Is We
Reading: City of Heavenly Fire